In my opinion, I’m convinced much of the world is ASLEEP. If I were to make an outrageously bold and unsupported assumption, I would imply 80-90% of people qualify as sleepy, desensitized purveyors of life on OFFENSE.
I used to be one of them.
Every morning, despite the iPhone harp alerting my eyes open, they were half-way open at best.
I would begin by preparing my mask for the day, whipping the outer shell of me into a presentable corporate woman whose wardrobe was dictated by policy, and numb to the idea that my painted on face may or may not be in the line of fire for harsh criticism by the bully ‘in charge’.
But, NBD - I was asleep. A deep, silenced, numbing sleep…contrary to my days of aliveness and unf*ckwithableness. Where did she go? No less, words a la bully, if disarmed, would sound with little resonance, like an unmemorable dream.
We had at least made strides toward not giving a sh*t, Dear Ego.
As I’d head out the door into the populated city streets, dodging Citi Bikes and other anxious-caffenaited-speed-walking-city-sleeper-prisoners, I wasn’t in my body. I was floating above her. Her head was attached and running rapid, but there was no feeling. No sensation. (Aside from the annoyed, early morning NYC commuter ones, of course).
Where was she?
I missed her so…or did I. Was this the new normal, her destiny? The conflict, the yearning, the mourning, the numbness was overwhelming.
In the meantime, she had covered her power, her playfulness, her purity up with the mask, as a perfect obedient to the Ego does.
She had become a prisoner to her Ego.
This meant being in constant conflict between mind (to excel at work/this company/this field I have to play tough, bitchy and rude) and heart (this isn’t me, or aligned with my values, and seems pretty flipping sh*tty).
And yet, the Mind plowed full steam ahead. After all, I couldn’t be shunned from the pack, just yet...at least, and besides, the Ego can’t have that - EVER.
This meant surrendering my power to others ‘in power’ and evolving to a mindset of victimhood - (the Ego’s favorite pastime).
With every passing day, the Ego strengthened it’s grasp and force on me, until my Soul was just barely making a fleeting appearance everyday.
I was small. Victimized. Miserable. Stressed. Defensive. Overwhelmed. Emotional. Sensitive. Combative. Exhausted. Troubled. Deflated. On offense.
Not the pure, authentic, good ME that didn’t judge, blame or hurt others.
I was in my own toxic egoic bubble that was in need of a burst.
My Ego was ruling - and ruining - my life.
I started to wonder how a ‘mask' could feel so pervasive, permanent and personal?
In true ‘low point’ fashion…I rolled up my sleeves.
In one of the earliest places I found refuge, was in the crisp, pleasantly short and wisdom-y pages of Sir Deepak Chopra.
I now offer you a taste of his medicine.
‘The experience of the Self, or ‘self-referral,’ means that our internal reference point is our own spirit, and not the objects of our experience. The opposite of self-referral is object-referral. In object referral we are always influenced by objects outside the Self, which includes situations, circumstances, people and things. In object-referral we are constantly seeking approval of others. Our thinking and our behavior are always in anticipation of a response. It is therefore fear-based. In object-referral we also feel an intense need to control things. We feel an intense need for external power.
… when we experience the power of the Self, there is an absence of fear, there is no compulsion to control, and no struggle for approval or external power. Your true Self, which is your spirit, is immune to criticism, it is unfearful of any challenge, and it feels beneath no one.’
The vastness of my untamed Ego had been made clear, as had the underpinnings that supported her rise to power.
‘They say’ that having awareness is the first step to practically…anything. The moment I had clarity on the Ego and Self/Soul construct, I could retire my escapist behavior and focus on accessing the parts of me that had been temporarily overruled/misguided/ignored.
This process began January 7, 2016 and has been a daily work in progress every day since.
Since I get to be a grossly imperfect human being, I still have daily run-ins with Ms. Ego, BELIEVE that.
The difference now?
SOUL always wins. She lives and loves and listens and LEADS THE SHOW.
And I’ll continue to feed her, nurture her and rely on her, because the more I access and operate from a place of Soul, the deeper I love, the more powerfully I serve and more joyful and wildly abundant life becomes.
And living this way is anything short of magical. I’m just here to spread the magic.
Are you awake? Asleep? Just taking a nap?
Do you need something different right now?
Is your ego running the show?
If you’re curious how to stir up more soul in your life, try the following on, I assure you…it’s better than any mask you will ever wear.
How to Bed the Ego & Wake Up Soul:
Step 1: Read The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success by Deepak Chopra (it can take as little as 2-3 hours and one sitting to finish - TOTAL WIN)!
Step 2: Put the teachings/acknowledgments to practice.
Step 3: Get clear on your daily SOUL ritual (the things you’ll do everyday to fill your soul) my personal practice is: wake up thankful for another day>15-30 minute morning yoga>5 minute stillness & prayer>warm cup of green tea>journaling if time permits
Step 4: Implement your ritual in a way that feels natural/intuitive/easy for you - (maybe it’s 1 new ritual each week)
BOOM. Later, Ego.
You’re on your way, soul sister!
Here’s to #stayingwoke (on all levels).